Originally posted Tuesday, June 12, 2007 on Blogger
I learn stuff everyday, even today at age 42. I’ve learned that I am the perfect Christian in the Devil’s eyes. I know just enough to get in trouble. A little bit about a lot, but not enough about anything. I’m a good old fashioned middle-of-the-road, stuck on the fence, doubter. I don’t have enough passion about anything to pursue any different. I’m complacent and lazy. My soft, flabby, hairy, balding body is a metaphor for my faith. What little I have or had has fallen into disrepair due to lack of interest. I ask for and crave respect from others while I show none for myself.
My wife, Tina, gave me a CD last week that was the first in a summer series of sermons given by her Pastor, Ed Jenewein, on “Faith Building.” While my indifference keeps me from going or pursuing this needed information for myself, my wife keeps trying, bless her heart. And God knows I need this fuel for my soul, I always learn from the CD’s something about myself, or something I need to work on. I’m just too damn lazy to reach out and get the help I need for myself. I’ve got a thousand excuses but no real reasons.
I think of my life on that proverbial fence right now like a scene from Star Wars. I’m “Jabba the Hut” and my wife is “Princess Leia”. I’ve got a hold of this beautiful creature by the neck with a chain. She is seeking the truth, fighting evil, and I’m holding her back. The Word of God is the Force, Pastor Ed and her mentors in her weekly Bible study are Luke Skywalker and Hans Solo. The biggest problem however I have with this scenario is the ending. Luke and Hans will set her free and Jabba will perish in the huge jaws of some sand creature. I need to change that scene, or rewrite the ending at least. I know this, in my heart, but it’s a battle. A daily struggle with the Devil’s other friends, apathy and depression.
